FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
