Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
