roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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