I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
