Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Two words: blizzard sex
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
