My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
