I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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