It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
