i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
