A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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