His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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