Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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