I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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