She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
