you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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