her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
