allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
