I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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