Jerry, you need to find god
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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