I heard we made out
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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