bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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