His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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