Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
