I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
