dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
