I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
