Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
