I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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