I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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