Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
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Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Your penis caused this!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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