I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
