I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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