I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
