If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
