she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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