why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
