im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
