Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
