She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
