You can't special order awesome
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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