the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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