It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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