Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
