fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
