there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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