i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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