did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
