Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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