so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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