next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
