I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
