So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
