Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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