Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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