I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
