I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
