i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
