Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
