Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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