is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
