Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
