2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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