...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
